I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
