I never want to see another naked old woman again.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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