She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
