ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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