i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
