I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
