I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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