i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
