My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
