I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
