Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize