That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
