Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
