What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
