Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
