he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
