Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
