she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
