I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
