I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
