I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
