did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
