brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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