He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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