Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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