What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
How does it feel to date your dad?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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