can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
dude i'm inner monologue high
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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