the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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