Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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