This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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