I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he fucked my hip out of place.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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