I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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