Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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