Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
