My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
