I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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