Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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