I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
