Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I didn't notice because vodka
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize
