So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
