Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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