he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
