if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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