# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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