so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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