wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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