The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
