OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
