I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
