i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize