i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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