Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
