I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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