What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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