His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
