Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
