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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night

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• (931): View more from Tennessee

  Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.

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• (631): View more from New York

  She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.

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• (627): View more from California

  some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.

  (1-540): View more from Virginia

  I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.

  (540): View more from Virginia

  YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off

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• (951): View more from California

  he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess

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