When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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