Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
