My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize