Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
