if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
