i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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