the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
