No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
zippers are such a cool invention
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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