Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
