There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
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